The Unnecissary Neccesities of Supernatural
by ParzivalHallows
Summary: Supernatural is possibly one of the best shows in the world, but like all good shows, it has it's WTF moments and things that make you go 'hmmmmm'.


**Okay, so I was actually inspired to do this by A) Supernatural and B) another fanfiction I read that was formatted like this. Except it was for Harry Potter. Anyway, I love Supernatural with all my heart (I'm Supernaturally obsessed) and even though I have nothing bad to say about Supernatural, there's just some things that need to be pointed out as COMPLETELY odd in the first (okay, actually most) of the episodes. I don't feel like watching them all, so I'm just going to make a parody of the first episode. Tood-da-loo!**

_**(I'm shortening my name *Don'tCallMeSammy* to DCMS) **_

White letters read: _Lawrence Kansas_

**Ominous scary music:** is ominous… and scary

**House:** has lots of shadows of trees on it.

**DCMS:** is it just me or is it weird that there's only one light on in the whole hou– OH GOD THAT TREE BRANCH JUST MOVED! *shudder*

**Mary:** I don't know why I'm telling you to say goodnight to your brother when it's already like…the middle of the night. Shouldn't you have said goodnight when I put him in the crib?

**Baby Sam:** *is adorable*

**4 year old Dean:** I think I look more like a four-year old Sam. How come everybody associates the long hair with Sam? I had long hair too! I just lost…half of it… OH MY GOD MY VOICE IS ADORABLE! Let me kiss my brother's head *makes out with Sam's head*

**Baby Sam:** *gurgle* bask in mah cuteness!

**Mary:** Goodnight love…wait are you smiling? That's creepy.

**John:** *appears from nowhere* Let me ignore my wife and baby son and just talk to Dean. Sup Dean?

**4 year old Dean:** Let me yell Daddy like I haven't seen you in a week! Do you have an extra long job or something that they keep you until late at night?

**John:** *shrugs* How am I supposed to know? They don't give any background information yet. They just kinda gloss over that stuff. So whadd'ya think Dean? Think Sam's ready to pass around a football yet?

**4 year old Dean:** No Daddy!

**Mary:** Well after tonight he's going to be learning to load bullets so I think he should learn to pass a football really quick.

**4 year old Dean and John:** …wut?

**Mary:** …Nothing! *leaves briskly*

**John:** I'm just gonna look at Sam's crib but I'm not going to say goodnight. *leaves*

**Thing above crib:** *starts moving on its own…spooky*

**Baby Sam**: *oh shit face*

**Clock:** *stops*

**Light:** *flickers and turns off*

In other room:

**Mary:** *is sleeping…how does she fall asleep that fast? It's been like…three minutes…*

**Baby monitor:** !

**Mary's eardrums:** *are blown out*

**Mary:** Well, apparently I just woke up, and yet my voice holds no grogginess as I call out to John.

~ Camera zooms in on a picture with Mary and John. Is it just me or do they look older than they do in the show? ~

**Mary:** Well, I made a deal with a demon to give up my youngest son or something like that. The details are kind of fuzzy. But yet I am in no way suspicious of the man in shadows who doesn't speak when I know John would reassure me about Sam's welfare.

**Azazel:** Shut up bitch! I'm working here!

**Mary:** Okayyy…. *walks away*

**Light:** *flickers and makes weird noises*

**Mary:** You think I'd be more worried about flickering lights since I was raised by Hunters and was a Hunter myself until about five years or so ago. Seriously, what IS with me? I think I'll try to get this to stop flickering… *punches light and gets cut by a hundred shards of glass*

**Light:** *repairs itself and returns to normal*

**DCMS:** Wait…I thought there was only one light on in the whole house?

**Mary:** *goes down the stairs in the dark*

**DCMS:** Okay, I think I'd be more than a little freaked walking around in the dark like that. I mean, yeah, I'm not exactly afraid of the dark anymore, but I'm not fond of it either! Maybe it's cause she's an ex-Hunter and badass even though we don't know any of this yet.

**TV:** *is on very loudly*

**John:** *is snoring louder than the TV. What a feat!*

**Mary:** OMG I remember why John wasn't next to me now! He was snoring so loudly that I made him sleep on the couch and that means that there's a robber in my son's bedroom! SO instead of waking John up as well I'm just going to say "Sammy!" when by now the guy could have killed/taken Sammy and might have moved on to Dean's room. Why do I look so surprised? I must have known this would happen! And instead of screaming why didn't I just go into kick-ass mode?

**John:** *hears Mary screaming* Mary? Mary? Mary? Mary! Mary! MARY ANSWER BITCH! Why do I seem to know exactly where the scream came from? And why hasn't Dean woken up? If I were a four year old and heard that I would have…erm…hidden under the bed. Never mind. Oh hai Sammy! Hope I didn't wake you by barging in the room. Wouldn't you have been crying? You must be a very good baby. Why would I walk over to you instead of looking for Mary? Maybe I thought I was dreaming about it. Oh well, I'm just gonna stroke your head now. Who's a good little baby? Who's a good little – what are you looking at? OMG Sammy are you bleeding? AH! Now I'm bleeding! NOOOO son we're both going to die horrible painful death's and – oh wait, it's just dripping on us. Oh good, I mean…wait…*looks up*

**Baby Sam:** *looks like he's smiling…he knows something John doesn't!*

**John:** AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *falls on his butt* Shit! My back! I mean – MARY!

**Mary:** *is still alive – how horrible is that? And she's making noises like baby Sam does! *gurgle, gurgle*

**John: **This is my holy-shit-what-the-hell-is-happening face! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

**Mary: ***decides to turn into a flaming-bomb*

**Baby Sam: **Oh look, I'm FINALLY crying! Seriously I was starting to think there was something wrong me! I mean my mom is above me with her belly slit and dripping blood all over me. And she's looking down on me too, which isn't exactly reassuring. Also there's a creepy man standing next to my crib who I don't know, which freaks most people out. AND his eyes are YELLOW! Maybe I just couldn't see in the dark. Don't babies have a weird sense about Supernatural stuff though? I should have been able to tell if he was a bad demon! Or..well…all demon's are bad. Oh well, I'm still a baby. I can't take the blame until Azazel tells me about this. It's actually future-future-past Dean's fault I'm here in the first place – or maybe it's my mom's…hmmm… DADDY!

**John: ***picks up Sammy out of his crib and starts to run out the door, then he crashes into 4-year old Dean and they both go flying in the opposite directions, getting concussions*

**Four year old Dean: **I finally came out of my room to investigate Daddy! What's going on? Why is Mommy on the ceiling?

**John: **I'm trusting my BABY with my FOUR YEAR OLD son, but here you go Dean. Happy birthday! *shoves Sammy into Dean's arms*

**Four year old Dean: ***drops Sammy on his head*

**John: **… Our family is so screwed.

**Sammy: ***is not crying anymore. Isn't this baby such a good actor?*

**Four year old Dean: ***picks Sam off the ground and runs outside with him* It's okay Sammy. I saved you from a burning building which means I must take care of you for the rest of my life. Sorry, but you're always going to be the damsel in distress. Even when you aren't trying to be, everything bad always happens to you.

**DCMS: **Maybe that's why there's so many Hurt!Sam fics out there…seriously, if Sam and Dean were reading fanfictions they would die! I feel like Dean would become addicted though…I don't know why…

**John:** It's blatantly obvious that Mary died when flames erupted from her body, but I'm just going to make sure that she's okay, even though I might make my sons orphans. Hmm…I wonder how that would have turned out? I don't think there's many fanfictions where my sons are sent to boys homes. It's just different if they weren't Hunters.

**Baby Sammy and Four year old Dean: ***are chillin' under the window where their parents are surely dying horrible deaths*

**John: ***is a dark figure that swoops out of nowhere and nearly gives everybody watching the show a heart-attack by thinking it was the same figure who had tried to kidnap Sam. Or so we thought…*

**Baby Sam: ***goes flying out of Deans arms as he's tackled to the ground*

**Four year old Dean: ***has crushed lungs*

**John: ***is oblivious and drags them away just as the window explodes. Coincidence? I think not!*

~ Okay, here's a question. When the firefighters arrived, weren't they confused as to why Mary was stuck to the ceiling. And why the flames seemed to have erupted from her. Or is she just a pile of ashes right now? I mean, seriously? They don't find anything weird about that?*

**John and his boys: ***this is admittedly a cute sight, despite the fact that they just lost everything they hold most dear*

**SUPERNATURAL SEQUENCE: **doesn't have a theme song like most shows do

…

**That's it! For now…I think? Depends on what you guys thought of it, tell me if you think I should keep/dump! **


End file.
